I
walk divided…
The mumble was lost in the wind, fading
away like the thought that had given it birth.
High up above the sea, above the hills, between
the mountains walked a confused young man. He
was the storm that had come to pass without
shedding so much as a drop over his land. It
was not correct to allow the great waves to
come out splashing from within.
Chizuko he had been named, and now chizuko
was nameless, because he had left home and dishonoured
himself in fault of his obligations, he was
disowned and no longer son of the village in
which he was raised.
- Love is a precious fluid that sits contained
in a vessel made by the ancestors. It is to
be guarded and cherished as a great treasure,
yet not admitted as being precious before others.
Not to be sipped and tasted except in secret,
yet not admitted as being inebriating before
others. It is the end and the beginning, uncontrolled
and uncontrollable, yet to be manipulated and
used according to ancient rules of conduct.
What is Love but the very thing that has made
and then destroyed me.
Dusk was coming down and the first star
became chizuko´s guide towards the unknown.
He did not care where he walked to for he was
too busy with where he had walked from, and
the reasons were consuming his mind, and the
reasons were obligations. The timeless and unbound
obligations that were binding for all time.
Obligations he had received by birth from the
Emperor, from his parents, and from his own
work. Obligations which had grabbed and contained
him when his heart had begun to shine with the
love for a woman, with the love for life and
with the love for the world. They were the vessel
which imprisoned him.
- wind, feed this fire that burns in my
mind. Send the earth from these high mountains
down upon my head to bury me, drown my sorrows
with the long black night of sleep. I cannot
kill myself but I wish I was no more. I have
stood up against my family`s decision to keep
me from marrying my love, I am dishonoured.
Too weak to repay my debts to society, I do
not deserve to live. I wish to die but I cannot
take my own life because she is still living
and as long as she lives I cannot take my own
life. I am condemned to live as a fallen man.
It was cold in the night. The temperature
had fallen but chizuko did not feel the cold
for he was burning inside. He did not feel his
fingers, they were numb. He did not feel his
toes, they were numb. He did not feel the cold
for he was numb to the outside world. That’s
why chizuko did not notice he had walked straight
into a lone hut that was sitting high up in
those dark mountains. Inside, it was warm. Chizuko
stood at the door, peering into a single room
lit with amber from a fire in the centre that
was casting dancing shadows upon the walls.
Chizuko felt that he was waking up from a feverish
nightmare and the warmth from the fire made
him feel like he was regaining consciousness
from darkness of the heart. He had not noticed
suelto who was sitting up against one of the
walls watching chizuko with a very pleasant
smile and eyes that knew.
- come in my friend, you are welcome into
this humble home. Come in and take shelter from
that long black night you have been walking
in. The first star has guided you into my home.
I have been expecting you for some time fallen
brother, quite some time.
At these words chizuko became alert, but
he felt too weak to become defensive. – This
man is surely a ghost and I am either dead or
insane. – he thought to himself. But Suelto
had eyes that could see and ears that could
hear and he knew what chizuko was thinking.
- I am no ghost and you are neither dead
nor insane my friend.
- How do you know so much about me then?
- Because the walls have told me
Chizuko then looked around at the walls,
and to his amazement they had all been painted
by hand with the most beautiful and horrific
sights. He felt overwhelmed by their intensity
and could see himself in their depth. Chizuko
then knew. Suelto was a painter of the old ways.
One of the ancient ones who practiced the formless,
a style of painting that had survived from the
times before the Emperors and before the modern
man through isolated individuals that lived
far from reach. Their ways had been determined
to be against the Emperors law a long time past.
Chizuko had learnt in school that before
the Emperors and before the modern man, in the
age when it was common belief that the animals
had spirits who could speak to us in our dreams,
there existed a practice that was trained in
all art-forms. It was the `empty´ form. Artists
in those days were channelers of art, as opposed
to the conceptual creators of the modern man.
But that was a way that was considered extint
under the Emperors rule.
Suelto stood up and sat chizuko down by
the fire. – Warm yourself my brother, and eat,
for you need to regain your strength and well-being.
– So he placed food down before chizuko and
watched him eat in silence. After which, when
chizuko had eaten his fill suelto spoke thus
–
I have been painting around these walls
for what is a long long time, and they have
kept me informed and what goes on within and
without me. I practice an ancient form of painting
that has been handed down for countless generations.
Painting has taught me of life, and for a while
now I have seen you in my painting. Look, there
you are, in the snake that has uncoiled itself
around the room, and here we are, at the mouth
of the snake.
Chizuko was without words. He could see
all his joys and sorrows there in the painting.
His past and now his present, and there, drawn
from the present was his future. Suelto had
his hand on chizuko´s shoulder. It was warm
and comforting. Suelto told chizuko that he
was welcome to stay with him as long as he wanted.
He advised chizuko to study the painting until
he saw the answers to all his doubts. Then,
if he wished he could stay with him and live
a simple and peaceful life or he could move
on.
It took chizuko many days to see what he
needed to see in the painting. The more stared
the less complicated the painting seemed and
the least he thought he would understand. Until
one day he realized that it was not meant to
be complicated and that it was all quite simple.
The snake represented his walk through life.
At first coiled and protected from the unknown
by life in society, then uncoiled and slithering
through it. At that point the snake began to
shed skin and there was a change of look, or
looking. Then there was the present, at the
mount of the snake. There chizuko could see
suelto and himself standing head to head holding
a golden and glowing heart the colour of amber.
It was the fire, they were holding his spirit
in their hands. The glow of his spirit cast
shades of the future through the remainder of
the painting. To his past suelto´s shade disintegrated
into nothingness, and to the future chizuko´s
shade cast a multitude of shapes. He saw a flying
man and two roads. One flowing back into the
mountains and one ending at the village. There
he could see an end and in the mountains he
could not. But in the village he saw her. In
a world of shades there was another glowing
heart casting the shade of his loved one with
wings. But around that shade there were bars.
It was a cage, a cage built from obligations.
So chizuko understood the painting.
The very next morning, as suelto awoke
he noticed a breeze gently sweeping at his face.
It was change, coming to let him know that chizuko
was leaving. As suelto sat up he saw chizuko
standing at the door, just like the night he
had arrived at the lone hut of the mountains.
But this time he was facing outside.
Suelto walked up to chizuko and told him.
-
You will leave and I will paint again.
Soon we will meet again, that I do not have
to paint to know.
So chizuko did indeed leave, trodding the
path backwards towards his village. When he
arrived at the outskirts of
the village he waited in hiding, until
nightfall made the world a shadow, and then
he secretively sneaked around towards his loved
one´s parents house. He passed the Lord´s palace
but obligation could not tempt his determination,
he passed his parents house yet obligation could
still not tempt his will, and finally he arrived
at his loved one´s parents house. He walked
inside towards her room without being noticed,
for he was a shadow, and he woke her up. As
she awoke she whispered sleepily:
- I dreamt of an old man and a snake. The
old man told me to get ready for I will be going
towards the golden lands, that you were coming
for me.
With this chizuko was certain of the right
way beyond obligation. Love was the true Emperor,
and the only obligation he should accept was
to live in love and to generate it. With this
he took his love from the village and back to
the mountains.
There both he and his love married under
the stars. They made home near suelto´s hut
and both became apprentices of the old way.
With time they came to understand in their hearts
and use what they had been taught to teach those
who so desired the seed and the fruit of the
old ways. And so the old way of
the `empty´ form was kept alive for any
who wished to embrace it and with time many
souls walked the path to wisdom through it.